Incandescently Ridiculous

There's an insistent little voice in my head - that was given a major amplification yesterday - intoning Montreal. Montreal. Montreal.

When it chooses to take a break from one-word chants, it breaks into the this is what you always planned and you are so tired of Edmonton and think of what you could do there and it is easier to be leaving than to be left.

And such a large part of me wants to listen. I feel like Edmonton - although there has been so much good here, and there are so many people that I love and would hate to leave behind - has offered all it can to me. And although it would not be easy to leave, it would be so easy to go.

My dad found an apartment and a job and a school and a flight in two and a half minutes.

Montreal has always been my end goal, the place to end up, the shining destination in the Five Year Plan I have been constructing the bones of for two and a half years and finally began to achieve in September. I want to go. I don't know if I want to go tomorrow, but I want to go.

Craig says maybe we should wait a while to go, wait till the first batch of our friends graduates next April, but I don't know if I can make it another year without something big changing, and I don't want to go back to school in Edmonton for a semester or two and then switch to Montreal anyway and...maybe it would be easier to just go.

I make it sound like Edmonton has been unceasingly horrible. It has not. I love the people I know in Edmonton and how hard I have worked to stay here. But the time has come where people are making their big decisions. I have had two serious aborted attempts to move already in the past year and a half. This one wouldn't depend on anything. I could just go.

Oh, one-sided streams of consciousness...

-rae