Incandescently Ridiculous

(man, I love this song)

I am sitting in my house, housecoated, bepigtailed, tongue threatening to bleed from too many s&v potato chips, listening to the sound of no one else being around except Prudence digging for flakes in the gravel at the bottom of her tank.

Listening to my house, now sans mice.

I am thinking about how maybe this won't be my house anymore.

Man, that's hard to write.

This was my goal, during the Year of Upheaval. (September 2009 - August 2010). When I thought "back on my feet" it meant this house and a full-time job and some measure of stability. I have been here four and a h- no, five and a half months. It is fantastic. I love it here. I love who I live with and where the house is and everything I've put into staying here.

This is not to say that I am not over-the-moon-hyperactively-kick-you-in-the-crotch-spit-on-your-neck-fantastically excited about the possible new Calgary opportunity. I am. The opportunity I may have waiting for me is not just a job, it is my literal dream job. I am thrilled to even have the shot to have this half-hour conversation on Wednesday with L from WJ. But in remembering the last time that something like this happened, I have decided to have my emotional mood swings in advance; in case it doesn't work out, and in case it does and it all moves so fast that I don't have time to breathe. Will it have been a waste of time to spend this time thinking about how much I love this house and will be sad to leave if it turns out I don't end up moving to Calgary?

No. It's good to remember, in fact, even as I sit here and watch more hated snow fall on my Edmonton lawn in this -30 weather. I love it here and I have worked hard to stay. That is indisputable.

And if I go?

Something good will be there too.

-rae